So who’s it to be at the back of the midfield diamond in Germany this year? If Sven decides to play a midfield with some shape it means that he must include a defensive midfield player. The Gerrard-Lampard combination merely neutralises the ebullience of two energetic and rangy attacking players. The “erm well when he goes forward I stay back” thing doesn’t smack of a masterplan designed to win a World Cup. It won’t need many Chuckle brother-esque “what are you doing up here, I thought it was my turn to push on!” occasions for the likes of Brazil, Italy and probably Trinidad & Tobago to punish us.

Owen Hargreaves is an option but would not be a popular choice with most England fans. I think he gets a bit of a tough time really. A Champions League winner who holds down a place in one of the best teams in Europe, Hargreaves is somewhat ridiculed for his ineffectual England displays. However, his recent cameos have comprised of him coming on for the last 10 minutes into an already disoriented and mishapen midfield. He also doesn’t play in England and is the least English of the players; this makes him a bit of an unfamiliar outsider and thus a target for playground bullies. Herr Hippo rating: 6/10

Ledley King has performed well for England at centre back, most notably against France in Euro 2004. He has played in the holding role in two recent internationals - against Poland and Argentina. He looked good in the former but perhaps not surprisingly was given a tougher time against Argentina. I think he lacks a touch of guile for midfield and whilst he might shore things up as a substitute, I wouldn’t feel comfortable playing him out of position for 90mins. Herr Hippo rating: 5/10.

Rio Ferdinand is another central defender who has recently played in midfield. Alex Ferguson deployed him in this role in a recent FA Cup game. It’s doubtful he’d be used in this position for England, but he’s fleet-footed and has a slightly defter touch than King, so I’ve thus chosen Rio ahead of Man Utd’s other holding option Alan Smith who I don’t rate as a midfielder. Herr Hippo rating: 6/10

Michael Carrick does not have an abundance of experience for England, but of the candidates chosen for analysis here, he is most at home in the defensive midfield role. Sturdy in the tackle, with good craft and range, Carrick has all of the requisite attributes. He should play behind Lampard with Steven Gerrard on the right, and Joe Cole on the left (Beckham warming the bench). Herr Hippo rating: 8/10

Last of all we have chirpy, irrepressible Dennis Wise. What a lovely cheeky little chappy he is, and still going strong with Coventry City at 39 years of age. Herr Hippo rating: 0/10

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