WCH can exclusively reveal a new motivational ploy that is being applied to the England squad this year. The FA has recruited a Knowledge Management (KM) specialist, Dr Stephen J. McElroy III, to review the England team’s approach. Herr Hippo contacted Dr McElroy III and he had the following to say:

“The England soccer set-up certainly posed me my greatest challenge since Enron. My job as KM consultant is to assess organisations’ performance and processes with regard to how they capture, codify and disseminate information. With the England soccer team, however, my role was to implement these processes practically from scratch. The England team are what we in the KM field call an ‘Action Jackson’ organisation. Typically these organisations comprise enthusiastic entrepreneurs who work successfully in the short-term, but the information seepage that occurs due to lack of embedded KM practices means that this approach cannot be sustained. England fitted this organisational type very closely: when I watched the England v Uruguay friendly the players ran around a lot and worked very hard, but only convened once at half-time to discuss what they were doing. This is completely untenable in the modern world of business! Playing for 90 minutes - with 15 minute discussion time - means that the England team are operating to a 6:1 toil-discourse ratio. In a thriving modern company, like Electrolux or Findus, this ratio will almost be inverted.

“But at least the solution is simple. To move things in the right direction the England team will now convene for a five minute meeting after every ten minutes of play. This will provide the players with far more time to discuss the game and share information. With this procedure in place, the right-hand can find out what the left hand is doing, so all of the hands can sing from the same hymn sheet! During these meetings the opposition may score several goals, but with improved KM underpinning England’s game, I have complete confidence that they can more than compensate for this during their ‘Play Engagement’ segments of the match.

“Another feature which I am working on is the redefinition of the players’ job titles. Again, England’s approach was not commensurate with that of a modern organisation. For example, ‘right-back’ and ‘centre-forward’ are much too flatly descriptive. In a flourishing workplace it is now recognised that even the least qualified clerical worker should have ‘Manager’ or ‘Executive’ in their job title. This over-inflates employees’ sense of their own importance and makes them more amenable to the pointless banality of their environment. Obviously the England players don’t have to put up with the drudgery of office-based employment, but they would still perform better if their role titles were reconfigured. Wayne Rooney is now ‘Manager for the Implementation of Total Quality Linkages Between Midfield and Attack’ whilst John Terry is now ‘Project Executive for the Elimination of Competitors’ Potential Goal Leverage’. I am still working on these job titles and would be really appreciative if Hippoers could suggest some titles for other squad members.

“With scientific KM solutions firmly embedded across the England set-up, I predict a very successful World Cup 2006!” 

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