Sven Goran Eriksson has spoken out once more against the overcrowded domestic schedule which could leave his key players leg weary this summer. Sven has asked the Football League to review its procedures to ensure that the international squad can, in future, arrive fresh and fit for the big summer tournaments. Sven contacted WCH and had the following to say:

“For sure, it is always a concern that my players will be too tired to play at their best in the World Cup. The number of games that top players have to play for their clubs is crazy with the Premiership, domestic cup competitions and The Champions League. But something has to be done and I think the solution is clear. There is absolutely no point having teams from the Midlands in the top flight of English football. They are based in grey English cities and are rubbish teams offering nothing to the game.

“This year an England player like Frank Lampard has perhaps had to play Aston Villa, Birmingham and West Bromwich Albion twice each. This is not making sense at all and is a waste of time and energy for members of the England squad. But I think it is not just in the top-flight that Midlands teams should be banned as there is a chance Chelsea or Man Utd, for example, could draw a Midlands team from a lower division in a cup competition. It can only be a bad thing for my team to have to travel to the Midlands, never mind play football there, perhaps at Derby, Stoke, Wolverhampton or Ludlow. It would be too little too late for Germany 2006 to abolish these Midlanders now, but who knows if we ban them soon perhaps England’s chances can be improved for 2010.”

WCH can exclusively reveal that the Football League and the FA are taking Sven’s argument seriously. All Midlands teams will be forcibly disbanded from 2007. To fill the void for those poor landlocked masochists who support Midlands sides, Virtual Midlands Football will be available on the grimy screens of smoky bookmakers throughout the miserable central region of the UK. Similar in technology to the virtual racing that most turf accountants offer between real races, Virtual Midlands Football is a computerised fantasy rendering of encounters between dismal Midlands sides that local supporters can moan about in much the same way as they do the current state of actual teams. Of no interest to anyone outside the region, or anyone with a real interest in the beautiful game, these lacklustre fake fixtures will be an endless parade of missed opportunities, talentless homegrown ‘talent’, misery, and the usual squalid grey-skied scoreless draws. A dreary foretaste of this chore is already available in bookmakers in Rugeley, where wan Midlands punters can stare at the pixelated leaden treadmill that is the virtual ’second city’ derby.

Virtual Villa v Virtual Birmingham - William Hill, Rugeley High Street, 3pm this Saturday

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