Metatarsal Protection Suit
by Herr EdAs WCH highlighted prophetically just a couple of weeks ago - at this time of year it is mandatory for at least one potential England squad member to break a metatarsal. However, we can exclusively reveal that measures are being taken to ensure that no more players will be joining Wayne Rooney and Ledley King on the metatarsal treatment table. To prevent further injuries to the England squad before June, all the relevant players must wear a metatarsal protection suit. Tord Grip explains all:
“We just couldn’t risk anymore injuries to the squad, and like most England fans I’m just plain bored with hearing about broken metatarsals. The protection suit that will be worn by the players is similar perhaps to a deep-sea divers’ outfit. You may notice that it covers more than just the foot, but we figured that there’s no point protecting the toes and leaving the rest of the body exposed and vulnerable!
“The suit pictured is the one that will be worn by Steven Gerrard for Liverpool’s game on Sunday against Portsmouth. All of the other squad hopefuls will be wearing them too in their respective club fixtures, and the whole England team will be protected in the two pre-World Cup friendlies. Considering the suit’s size it is quite light, but players have been advised to walk very slowly in them or even not move at all in case they strain any muscles. At least we won’t be reading anymore broken metatarsal headlines before the 9th June!”
May 2nd, 2006 at 10:02 am
I hear that toy company Mattel are bringing out there new range of England replica figures with matching Metatarsal Protection Suits included…
May 2nd, 2006 at 10:08 am
I blame the slippers they wear for footwear these days. I’ve always preferred playing in a hefty pair of trainers rather than a pair of gossamer-thin Nike Predator Mercurial Sprint Mundial 90+ Zuma-Zuma Isla Bonita Pro King’s or whatever they call them these days.
May 2nd, 2006 at 10:28 am
I have always said that football should be a non-contact sport. You never see Doug Mountjoy or Nigel Short on a stretcher after injuring their metatarsals.
May 2nd, 2006 at 1:23 pm
Can’t they just go back to wearing ‘pit boots’, what was wrong with them, after all we didn’t win the world cup wearing boots that are little more than fancy dan flip flops. I blame Beckham and the metrosexual movement!
May 2nd, 2006 at 3:55 pm
I’d rather read meta analysis than metatarsal
May 2nd, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Didn’t some bloke try to kill Roger Moore in that suit in For Your Eyes Only in the Adriatic Sea?
May 2nd, 2006 at 5:32 pm
[…] With news of broken metatarsal bones reaching epic proportions, the clever Hippo folks have introduced a protective device that will surely be used this month in training camps around the world. […]
May 2nd, 2006 at 7:58 pm
Hi worldcupblog - thanks for the reference!
May 3rd, 2006 at 10:38 am
Is the suit available in red?
May 4th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
I’d bet they’ll still bring out a new away “Metatarsal Protection Suit” every six months. Well as long as it’s grey and goes well with jeans…
What’s the worry anyway? A stubbed toe never did me any harm.
May 5th, 2006 at 9:22 am
I hope it has a gold star on it to represent our 1966 World Cup victory.