Official WCH Drinking Game (i)
by Herr NeilHumans love football, humans compete to survive, all humans need water to survive, water is a component of virtually every drink in the world - it was therefore inevitable that these elements would eventually meld and mutate into… The World Cup Hippo Drinking Game! You know the score, drink a glass of cherryade* every time one of the following happens. Part two of this article to follow soon!
A commentator or co-commentator:
- uses the phrase “Must win”
- explains the Group’s mathematics
- says something about the new football being light
- hypes up a free-kick taker as being “deadly from this range” only for the taker to blast into wall or miss the target by a country mile
- notes that only x players from any one team actually ‘ply their trade’ in that team’s national league
- refers to a team/player who is relatively new to the World Cup as being ‘naive’
- mentions the openness to intepretation of the offside rule and how it does no one any favours
- harks back to a previous World Cup [drink two glasses if they mention 1966]
- appeals to a national stereotype such as; ruthless German efficiency, fiery Latin temprament, British bulldog spirit, Gallic flair etc
- says a player has invented a new move when they do something “original”, but which has actually been done by kids in the park for the past 120 years
- how unfair penalty shoot-outs are [bonus glass if the word ‘lottery’ is used]
Analysis team:
- Lineker gives a cheeky grin to camera
- Lineker says, “Not the greatest of first halves” after a dire goalless 45 minutes
- Hansen says, “Unbelievable” [half a glass]
- Wrighty gets overexcited about a key incident
- …but then can’t bring himself to offer any further input
- Tony Adams offers anything insightful [3 glasses]
- calls for video/goal line technology
Do any ‘Nachfolger des Fußballflußpferds’ out there have any other suggestions for appropriate drinking junctures?
*Enjoy cherryade responsibly
May 18th, 2006 at 9:45 am
Drink half a glass each time a reporter at a team hotel refers to the team having a light lunch.
May 18th, 2006 at 10:39 am
Purposefully knock over a glass of cherryade whenever the BBC advertise their interactive World Cup service or Peter Drury mentions www.itv.com/football and makes it sound like someone has out a gun to his head.
May 19th, 2006 at 9:59 am
Drink a full bottle each time Gabby Logan is mistaken for a panda.
Her mascara at the Champions League final was truly amazing.
May 19th, 2006 at 10:30 am
Unbelievably Wes, she actually toned it down for the final. I still get nightmares about her ghoulish semi-final make up.
May 19th, 2006 at 10:44 am
If pin-striped clowns Ally and Andy erect their ridiculous table i will drink three bottles of cherryade and then eat the bottles.
May 19th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Take a drink every time one of the ITV team try to plug “Rio Ferdinand’s World Cup Wind-Ups” without sounding as if they can’t believe the words coming out of their own mouths.
May 19th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
drink every time the whistle is blown
May 19th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Two swigs each time someone says an offside was ‘marginal’.
May 19th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
Take a drink on hearing “Once of Ipswich*”.
* Or a lower league team of your choice.
May 19th, 2006 at 7:20 pm
Drink all the cherryade in the world if Garth Crooks asks a question that is even remotely as profound as he thinks.
May 20th, 2006 at 10:20 am
Think about drinking half a glass when a commentator or analyst moans about players telling the referee to book an opposing player.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:25 am
each time a commentator mentions the words ‘meat and drink’ in line with a simple tapped in goal/easy chance missed…
May 23rd, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Drink your own bodyweight in cherryade whenever David Pleat invents a new word.
May 23rd, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Drink David Pleat’s bodyweight of cherryade whenever a South American defender is described as “uncompromising”.
May 24th, 2006 at 12:35 pm
Drink a yard of cherryade each time someone refers to ‘Alf’s wingless wonders’.
May 25th, 2006 at 11:29 am
Drink a thimble of flat cherryade when a really bad tackle is said to be ‘full-blooded’.
June 2nd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
a scottish measure of cherryade every time Hansen says aak ney, you’ve got ta question tha defence