World Cup 2010
by Herr EdEngland may have crashed out of World Cup 2006, but WCH has a message of hope for its English readers! Herr Hippo has access to a cyber-wormhole which enables him to access World Cup Hippo articles from future years. Presented below is an article that he has retrieved which is set to be written in July 2010 - just before the World Cup final in South Africa.
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We’re going to win the Cup!
July 7, 2010 by Herr Ed
There shouldn’t be any surprises with the England line-up for the World Cup final this Sunday. England manager Stan Lazaridis will stick with the 3-5-2 formation which has served us so well since the Steve McClaren inspired Euro 2008 debacle. And with regard to personnel, he’ll surely utilise the same players that pummelled Brazil 4-0 in the semi, although Rachel Unitt of course returns from suspension and will replace Matt Taylor at left wing-back. Unitt is likely to share the accolade of ‘first woman to play in a World Cup final’ with the US forward Cindy Parlow.
The USA have looked impressive on their way to the final, but player for player England are stronger at every point on the pitch. The injury problems that beset goalkeeper Chris Kirkland earlier in his career are now a distant memory and he is undoubtedly the best stopper in international football, although it is a minor worry how little action he has seen in South Africa as a result of England’s seemingly infinite superiority over rival nations. The back three will comprise the impermeable trio of Ledley King, John Terry and Gary Cahill, whilst the right wing-back slot will be filled by Leicester City’s Richard Stearman. Steven Gerrard and Lee Cattermole will again form the midfield-engine room, and in the holding role behind them Coventry City’s Owen Hargreaves will keep things ticking over - and we know how much Hargreaves would love to add a World Cup victory to the Champions League medal he won this year with Coventry.
Upfront it’s the terrible twosome, Peter Crouch and Aaron Lennon. Lennon’s reinvention as a centre forward post-2008 is perhaps Lazaridis’s greatest managerial flourish. With 10 goals apiece in the tournament, the amiable rivalry between this strike duo should help them both find the net in Johannesburg. The US won’t be pushovers however, and will be the best team we’ve faced in the tournament to date - but if England fail to win by two clear goals the match will be a considered something of a disappointment. I don’t envisage disappointment, however, and predict a 3-0 victory!
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:35 pm
I look forward to the Euro 2008 debacle. It will no doubt involve Deal or No Deal, King William III and the newly established nation ‘The Toon’.
July 3rd, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Gerrard and Unitt are massive!
July 3rd, 2006 at 2:15 pm
That’s unbelievable! Surely Kirkland can’t be fit? Maybe in 2010 he is half goalkeeper/half machine?
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Do you think Cattermole is mentally fit enough though? His crying fit during Euro 2008, when England lost on corners to Germany, was worse than Graham Slinton’s in last summer’s FA Cup shoot-off and altogether a bit much. I was fed up of seeing his red-eyed face on tabloids for months after.
Highlights of the tournament for me include the performance of Cornwall who, after gaining independence in 2008, were a credit to their new country, and the rehabilitation of BBC pundit and Liverpool Town manager, Iain Dowie, after his nasty Granite Eyebrow diagnosis last autumn.
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Way back in 06 I always thought Crouch was a ‘Plan B’ forward, but since the abolition of the offside rule in 2007 he’s been unstoppable. With this kind of firepower it’s hard to see us losing to the US, but we have to accept that the draw in South Africa has been very kind to us. Before Brazil we only had to face Cornwall in the quarters and Las Malvinas in the second round. However I still predict 5-0 to Eng-er-land with Unitt on the scoresheet.
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:33 pm
I think you guys are completely under-estimating the Enyewu led defense of enyewu, spector, and whitbread. And with howard finally calming his play down and being a better positional keeper, he has been the shot stopper that we have needed this entire cup.
With the wide play of convey and dempsey coupled with the slashing runs of an in form johnson, the US offense is running on all cylinders as well. Don’t forget the super sub play of a hungry adu. I think it will be quite a game indeed. 2 - 1 to the US.
July 4th, 2006 at 9:00 am
Who can forget the first ever cryogenically frozen penalty being scored in the Disneyland Paris v Hulk Hogan’s China match! International Footgoal at its best (in association with Ronaldo Burger).
The introduction of animal referees was a great initiative by Governor Crooks. The trial period of having three balls on the pitch was less successful.
Fingers crossed, Wembley should be finished for Tim Henman’s first game in charge of England and Anglesey.
July 4th, 2006 at 9:54 am
What, no place for the Premier league’s most sucessful strikng duo ever, Andrew Johnson and James Beattie, following their 500 goals together in just four seasons?
And what about two time PFA player of the year and Real Madrid’s new £35m right back Tony Hibbet?
July 4th, 2006 at 10:08 am
I agree Johnson and Beattie should have got a look in. Their form for Everpool Utd has been truly outstanding, even away from Goodifield.
July 4th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
I’m still gutted the Levitating Football Monks of Bhutan didn’t make it past the quarter-finals. It was a delight watching them baffle Cech.
July 4th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
I thought Cech did quite well considering he was playing his first game with a new pair of virtual hands.
July 4th, 2006 at 9:49 pm
First and possibly last game with virtual hands, following the FIFA investigation into the 8ft virtual hands sported by Vatican City reserve goalkeeper, Pope Benedict XVI in their ‘Wooden Spoon’ group game against the disappointing Tibetans.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
My favourite goal of the season has to be Jar Jar Binks’ volley against North Wolverhampton in the quarter final of the Coco Pops Shield.
July 5th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
After the Sven debacle, I swore on my St George’s car flag that it will be a cold day in hell before England have another foreign manager. How wrong I was! Stan has been a revelation since his appointment following Sir Alan Shearer’s withdrawal on health grounds from the race to succeed McClaren. He may not have the laugh-a-minute charisma of the Brazilian coach, Oliver Kahn, but he sure can motivate his players.
Thankyou Stan, whatever happens tomorrow, we salute your indefatigability.
July 6th, 2006 at 10:57 am
I was amazed when in 2007 FIFA started allowing characters from Eminem tracks to be international managers. However, I agree Stan has done a fine job so far.
July 6th, 2006 at 11:08 am
Shame the BBC couldn’t find better commentators than Phil Neville and the Brain Of Motty.. I miss Alan Hansen since he took over at the UN.
July 6th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
ITV are far worse.
Why they thought Kriss Akabusi, Lester Piggott and Pingu would make a good panel I’ll never know.
However, great commentary from Slough Beckham and The Artist Formerly Known as Rolf Harris.
July 10th, 2006 at 1:42 pm
All the mainstream channels had lame commentators in my opinion. It was only the wise words of Roland Rat, Sir Pete Doherty and HRH Princess Britney Spears of Windsor over on the CBBCSportsWatchNews24+1 channel that kept me sane.