I thought it might be an interesting task to work out an England team from this year’s fantasy football points. Some cold hard stats could reveal the players who’ve been performing well, but whose abilities have slipped undetected beneath the media’s hullabaloo propagation web. I used the scores from the Premier League’s site [on 6th May]: they utilise […]

A recent Guardian poll revealed that 73% of the nation want Robbie Fowler recalled to the England squad. We asked two top celebrities whether Robbie should be included in Sven’s plans.*
Elizabeth Woodcock: “No”
Robbie Fowler has been playing well for Liverpool and has scored four goals in his last five games. However it is still a surprise that […]

With speculation intensifying over Michael Owen’s preparedness for this year’s World Cup, WCH investigates Sven’s best ‘Plan B’ attacking option.
Option 1: Crouch as lone striker. With Crouch leading the line as lone striker, England play 4-3-3 with Rooney and Joe Cole providing the principal attacking support. Crouch could certainly bring this pair into the game by […]

You may think that the World Cup mascot is an unnecessary addition to Earth’s greatest sporting event. However, the mascot is no less than the symbolic representation of the spatial and temporal setting of the World Cup finals. Its job is to capture the spirit of the tournament and the host nation. Below, Herr Hippo […]

Herr Hippo contacted Herr Colin, who is currently residing in Stuttgart, to get an insider’s view on this year’s World Cup.
Is there a great sense of anticipation in Stuttgart for the forthcoming World Cup finals? Actually not as much as you might think. German people do not like sports that they are not good at. […]

We asked a top celebrity, TV presenter Jeremy Kyle, whether Michael Owen should be England’s first-choice striker for Germany 2006.*
Jeremy answered: “No”
Quite simply, football is a team game and Michael Owen is not a team player. Owen has never formed a good partnership with another forward, and does not contribute to the team by holding the ball up […]

We asked a top celebrity, actress Kelly Greenwood, whether Michael Owen should be England’s first-choice striker for Germany 2006.*
Kelly answered: “Yes”
Owen has to be included in the England team this summer. Football is about scoring goals, so dropping your top goalscorer is not a sensible proposition. Owen’s pace and presence can also stretch opposition defences […]

An open letter to The Independent’s James Lawton from Herr Hippo.
Dear James
Lucid, forthright, but with a dash of baroque - your prose provides the perfect vessel with which to ladle in your unique brand of pompous Boys’ Own machismo. There is in fact a chance that your prose may become so self-satisfied that it will […]